My Diary: April 2007

Monday, April 23, 2007

Buy a game of Sorry and attach an apology to it.
Get on your knees and BEG for forgiveness!
Buy them an expensive gift
Spend an entire day doing only what they want to do
Send them chocolate roses - the more you send, the less mad they will be
Get several pieces of paper (we're talking A LOT!!) and write "I'm Sorry" on them and put them in places that they will find them
Write "I'm Sorry" in several different languages
Give them a piece of paper, or a small dry erase board with "I will never____ again" written 500 times - grade school style"
Call their voice mail or answering machine and say "I'm Sorry" and hang up. Do this several times until you think they've got the message.
Leave several "I'm sorry" messages on their alphanumerical pager
Go to the internet and send them as many free flower and "I'm Sorry" e-cards as you can find. Eventually they will get the picture.
Hire an airplane and have them write it in the sky or put it on a giant banner and fly around the city until your loved one sees it!
Give them a note with a list of all the reasons why they should forgive you and why you were wrong.
Offer to give them a back or foot rub every day for a week. A month? How about a year??? Every day for the rest of your life????!!??
OK, so you screwed up larger than life. It's time to go into debt and give them what they'll never be able to say "no" to. For her it would be a day at the spa or (gasp!) diamonds (she IS worth it, isn't she?). For him: Well, a big screen TV is a start, a couple of passes for 18 holes at a country club or golf resort, or something expensive that they've been eyeing for month (he IS worth it, isn't he?) :) - Let's just hope you never have to get to this stage :(
The best way to a man's heart is through is stomach! Take him to his favorite restaurant, or fix him all his favorite foods.
Buy a bunch of little (yet thoughtful) gifts and strategically place them where he/she can find them.
Cry if you have to!!
Write them a poem of apologies
Give them a Sour - themed bouquet and tell them you are sorry for being such a sour puss!
Write them a letter talking about how you first met, why you were attracted to them, why you have stayed with them, and how much you would love to continue to stay with them, and how wonderful you still think they are!
Send them our "After the Rain" gift and write a note saying "I am lower than dirt! Please forgive me!"
Send them suckers with a note saying, "What I did "Sucked" Please forgive me!"
Give them our Promises bouquet and promise never to hurt them again!
And finally, when you get really desperate, go up to your loved one, tell them that you couldn't imagine life without them, talk over the offense, tell them that you didn't mean to hurt their feelings, and promise to try to never do it again.

GOOD LUCK IN YOUR GROVELING!

100 Ways to Say "Very Good!"

I am proud of the way you worked today.	That is the best ever.
You are doing a good job.	Way to go. Marvelous!
You have just about got it.	That is better than ever.
You have figured it out.	Nice going. Outstanding!
You are doing that much better today.	You did that very well.
You are learning fast.	Fantastic! Superb!
Keep working on it. You are getting better.	You are really improving.
Could not have done it better myself.	Right on! Keep it up!
You really make my job fun.	Good remembering!
That is the right way to do it.	You have got that down pat!
One more time and you will have it.	Tremendous! Good thinking!
You are getting better every day.	You are doing fine. Good work!
Now you have figured it out.	Keep trying! Way to go.
You have not missed a thing.	You outdid yourself today.
That is the way to do it.	Good for you! Terrific!
Nothing can stop you now!	Good going! I like that.
That is first-class work.	I am very proud of you.
You are really going to town!	I think you have got it now.
Now you have the hang of it!	Now you have it.
Congratulations. You got it right.	You have got it made.
You have got your brain in gear today.	Well, look at you go!
You have just about mastered that!	Congratulations!
Now that is what I call a fine job!	Good for you!
You must have been practicing!	That?s it!
You did a lot of work today!	That?s good!
You certainly did well today.	Not bad.
You are really learning a lot.	Great!
I have never seen anyone do it better.	That is right!
That is a good (boy or girl).	I am happy to see you working like that.
You are on the right track now!	You are very good at that.
You are really working hard today.	You did it that time!
You make it look easy.	Wow! That?s it. Clever!
That is not half bad!	Nice going. Perfect!
That is the way. You are right.	Keep up the good work.
Sensational! Excellent! That is better. Fine!	It is a pleasure to teach when you work like that.

I'd love to, but...
1 I have to floss my cat.
2 I've dedicated my life to linguini.
3 I want to spend more time with my blender.
4 the President said he might drop in.
5 the man on television told me to say tuned.
6 I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
7 I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
8 it's my parakeet's bowling night.
9 it wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
10 I'm building a pig from a kit.
11 I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
12 I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.
13 there's a disturbance in the Force.
14 I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
15 I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.
16 I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
17 I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
18 I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawl.
19 I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.
20 my crayons all melted together.
21 I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
22 I'm in training to be a household pest.
23 I'm getting my overalls overhauled.
24 my patent is pending.
25 I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
26 I'm sandblasting my oven.
27 I'm worried about my vertical hold.
28 I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.
29 I'm being deported.
30 the grunion are running.
31 I'll be looking for a parking space.
32 my Millard Filmore Fan Club meets then.
33 the monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.
34 I'm taking punk totem pole carving.
35 I have to fluff my shower cap.
36 I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
37 I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
38 I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
39 my plot to take over the world is thickening.
40 I have to fulfill my potential.
41 I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
42 it's too close to the turn of the century.
43 I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
44 my subconscious says no.
45 I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.
46 I left my body in my other clothes.
47 the last time I went, I never came back.
48 I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.
49 I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
50 none of my socks match.
51 I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.
52 I'm having all my plants neutered.
53 people are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.
54 I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
55 I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator."
56 I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.
57 my yucca plant is feeling yucky.
58 I'm touring China with a wok band.
59 my chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
60 I never go out on days that end in "Y."
61 my mother would never let me hear the end of it.
62 I'm running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named Basil Metabolism.
63 I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put it down.
64 I'm too old/young for that stuff.
65 I have to wash/condition/perm/curl/tease/torment my hair.
66 I have too much guilt.
67 there are important world issues that need worrying about.
68 I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
69 I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
70 I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
71 I feel a song coming on.
72 I'm trying to be less popular.
73 my bathroom tiles need grouting.
74 I have to bleach my hare.
75 I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
76 I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.
77 you know how we psychos are.
78 my favorite commercial is on TV.
79 I have to study for a blood test.
80 I'm going to be old someday.
81 I've been traded to Cincinnati.
82 I'm observing National Apathy Week.
83 I have to rotate my crops.
84 my uncle escaped again.
85 I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.
86 I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.
87 I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
88 I have to go to court for kitty littering.
89 I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
90 I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.
91 having fun gives me prickly heat.
92 I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.
93 I have to jog my memory.
94 my palm reader advised against it.
95 my Dress For Obscurity class meets then.
96 I have to stay home and see if I snore.
97 I prefer to remain an enigma.
98 I think you want the OTHER [your name] .
99 I have to sit up with a sick ant.
100 I'm trying to cut down.
101 ... well, maybe.